The Problem with a Common Phrase
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me” is a strange saying to have caught on. It’s not really true, and I think everybody knows that. Also, it doesn’t really rhyme that well. It feels like there’s a missing piece. Yet we regularly repeat this little nursery rhyme of denial to ourselves and offer it as really crappy consolation to others – probably because it’s the easiest approach to dealing with insults and criticism, but certainly not the best.
The Importance of Processing Feedback
Now, moving on and not responding to negative comments is often the best thing to do. But don’t pretend the words don’t matter when they do. Process them. Take a moment. You don’t need to go on a mountaintop retreat. Just take a few seconds to process the other person’s words and know why we’re choosing to move on or not move on. Maybe there’s something there that we should pay attention to.
Denying other people’s words to have any impact on us by default – that “sticks and stones” mentality – isn’t helpful. It’s going to block you off from an opportunity to learn about yourself, identify some weak points you might need to address, or ways that you can improve your business offerings.
Learning from Feedback
I’m going to be talking about this through a business lens. It’s also an opportunity to learn about the other person, learn about your customers as a whole. What’s motivating them to say what they said? What is at the root of their negative reaction? It might not actually have anything to do with you, but it could point you to a problem that you can still help with or inform how you talk to your customers and connect with them. Or it just might turn out that they are an insufferably whingey sociopath that really isn’t worth your time. But take a moment to assess the situation before you completely dismiss another human being or allow them to completely wreck your confidence.
The Pause-and-Process Approach
This pause-and-process approach is good for everyone, but especially for business owners, content creators, or anyone who’s putting themselves out there for people to rate, review, critique, or comment on. If you can’t process feedback productively and healthily, it could lead to you internalizing it, stressing out, losing focus, losing momentum, or getting defensive and vindictive and lashing out at the other person. Then you risk doing something that could damage your reputation among customers.
Tips for Handling Feedback
So if you’ll receive it, here are a few tips to help you handle feedback:
- Start by giving people the benefit of a doubt. When I read a critical comment, I often add a little attitude to the voice in my head. I assume they were feeling huffy or snippy or condescending when they were writing. But just for kicks, imagine the other person reading that comment to you out loud with a genuinely compassionate tone, or at least a neutral one.
- Sort the feedback. Is there any genuinely constructive criticism? Move that to the “Let’s spend a little bit more time with this” pile. Thank them for taking the time to offer some ideas on how you can improve your product or level of service, and let them know you’ll take it under consideration. And then, actually take it under consideration.
- Address confusion or misunderstanding. You might be able to easily resolve that with a quick clarification. Gently point them to where they can learn more, or if it’s on you and you really weren’t clear enough on something, don’t hesitate to apologize for the confusion.
- Handle valid complaints. Did you actually goof up? Take it. Apologize. Try to make it right.
- Deal with invalid complaints. You can still kindly empathize with them and help point them towards a resolution. Even if you’re not liable, they’re still your customer. Don’t just dismiss it as “not my problem.”
- Ignore insults and trolls. Most of the time, a response, no matter how professional or reasonable, isn’t what they want.
- Address slanderous feedback. Not only is it insulting, but there’s a lie woven into it that could potentially damage your reputation? That is worth responding to. But make it short, professional, and move the conversation to a private space, or at least offer to.
Don’t Lose Sight of Positive Reviews
One more tip: don’t lose sight of the positive reviews. Quick little story – I sell Pokémon cards, just a little side hustle/hobby. The other day, I got a three-star review. My pride was hurt a little bit. My perfect review streak had been broken. The reviewer mentioned that the card was warped during shipping, which wasn’t my fault. My initial reaction was to get defensive, but after reflecting, I realized the customer had a point. My packaging could’ve been better.
I could’ve blamed the postal service, but instead, I apologized, offered a discount on future purchases, and took the opportunity to improve my shipping practices. I needed to step back and do what I just encouraged you to do – be a little objective and be empathetic. How would I feel if I was in his position? I appreciated that he didn’t trash me, that he didn’t give me a one-star review. He gave me what is actually a reasonable three-star review. And then after taking a few minutes to read back over some of my 134 five-star reviews, I felt reassured that this one small critique wasn’t the end of the world.
The Goal of Business
When you are doing business, the goal is not to win an argument, it’s to win a sale. And you’re going to do that by winning people’s trust and trying to serve them to the best of your ability. Don’t make it about ego and pride and position. If anything, take a lower position next to your customer. In their mind, they are the hero of their own story. You should be guiding them and helping them along their journey; not playing the role of the antagonist or road block.
Conclusion
When it comes to working with customers and especially receiving feedback, you’ve got to stay humble, dial down the defenses a little bit, and try to approach things a little bit more objectively. Listen to what they’re saying. Allow yourself to learn. You are not perfect. There’s always an opportunity to improve on your offerings. You can let your customers lead you to how you can improve. Listen to them.
There will be situations where you just have to ignore the negativity and move on. But don’t just “sticks and stones” it. Keep your ears open, process things, consider things, communicate, and be kind. That’s going to make a huge difference in the way you grow your business and also just grow the muscles you need to handle feedback like this in the future.
